Thread: The Chosen one
View Single Post
 
Old Dec 22, 2015, 12:56 PM
DBTDiva's Avatar
DBTDiva DBTDiva is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: USA South
Posts: 507
Quote:
Originally Posted by CopperStar View Post
I wouldn't exactly call it a "good" pairing, but it is a common pairing because the dysfunctions of the two PDs feed into each other heavily.

The only way it can possibly be remotely therapeutic is if both partners are actually trying to change for the better.

A BPD tends to have a very aggressive, righteous judgement for others, and typically a BPD rage involves going for the throat about what an awful person you are (real or imagined, usually a fair combination of both). However, the BPD's deep fear of abandonment usually means that the BPD will still cling to you and try to mend the relationship, even after they have torn you a new one explaining what a demon you are.

For the NPD partner, this means that their "false self" shield is going to be systematically obliterated, yet they will also experience being accepted even after their true self is violently dragged out into the open. So in theory I guess this could potentially be somewhat healing for an NPD.

Then NPDs are the masters of playing "keep away" and mind games, which means that the BPD with their martyrdom complex is eventually going to be driven to that explosive point of actually declaring what they want, what they need, how they feel and what pisses them off. Even if it comes out in the form of lots of yelling and swearing with a couple implied suicide threats thrown in for good measure. But in most cases ultimately the BPD will be pushed to a point of getting in touch with their suppressed emotions (which will likely come exploding out in volcanic glory) and actually communicating their needs. So again, in theory, it could possibly be therapeutic for the BPD, as well.

However it would certainly be a seriously rough and messy and possibly even dangerous form of "therapy" for both parties. But to each their own, of course.

This is my personal perception based on my experience as someone with strong BPD tendencies who tends to attract NPD partners.
Dang that was a great explanation of BPD, that's certain how I was at my worst. I have had partners I am fairly certain had NPD or at the least had traits, one maybe anti-social, hard to say. Those were definitely very messy relationships.

My current bf is the only one diagnosed as having NPD and I sometimes question that dx because his behavior is complete polar opposite of how he describes being in the past. I don't know if someone can change that much that quickly! I guess it is possible. We have both done a lot of work on ourselves and are still committed to growing as people and together so that helps quite a bit.
__________________
Borderline PD/Major Depression/Anxiety

Living well in recovery from mental illness is possible!