Hey everybody. I've never posted in this forum. It seems like most of you here have DID and I'm hoping that someone can give me some insight as to what is happening with me.
As long as I can remember, I've had severe anxiety. I also daydreamed a lot in high school. Looking back on that, I think it was maladaptive daydreaming. It was very active, vivid daydreams. Not hallucinations, but all encompassing. I knew it was weird and wouldn't do it in front of anyone.
I have not been thru much trauma at all (I was in a car crash once and had two heart surgeries as a school kid but that's it). I am diagnosed currently with a lot of different anxiety disorders, including OCD.
Last winter I was having severe OCD about going crazy, and every noise I would hear or thing I would see I would question: Is that really there? Am I really seeing/hearing that thing? It grew to be very severe and left me in a state of depersonalization...I think. I would begin to feel as though I was "Watching myself". I couldn't actually see myself and it wasn't totally an out of body experience, persay, I just began to feel very detached and it was a chronic feeling that went on for days and days.
I would sometimes look in the mirror and ask myself "is that really me?"
I had a very scary experience where I think I dreamed something and woke up in the morning and wasn't sure if it happened in real life or if I dreamed it. I couldn't find any proof of it happening in real life but there was nothing "bizzare" about it or anything to suggest that it didn't happen. It was a weird feeling to not be sure if something was dreamed or reality, and it made my anxiety even worse.
Ever since I developed OCD in 2012, I have had this compulsion where when I'm really nervous I will get myself alone somewhere, make sure no one can hear me, and literally talk to myself. I will sit down and say out loud everything that's bothering me and pretend I am talking to a therapist. Then I will pretend I'm a therapist and say what I think I should do about all my problems. I understand in that moment I am role playing. But I wonder what if I have a different personality who's role is "therapist"? When I am doing this my mind completely encompasses the role of client and then of therapist. When I am the "therapist" and thinking about everything I just said and thinking of advice to give myself, I actually feel like a therapist in that moment. I know I am not one. I know I am still me during those times, and it definitely feels compulsive to act out these little role plays.
Idk. What do you guys think? Could I have DID? Note: I am also a hypochondriac and am very worried about DID right now. My therapist doesn't know anything about DID. I feel I definitely have depersonalization going on either way, with severe anxiety.