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Originally Posted by BNLsMOM
I went on a first date with a guy yesterday and we hit it off really well. He seems stable, down to earth and very kind. I feel that I need to tell him about my bipolar because it won't be fair for me to let him fall for me and then just drop that bomb. I am afraid that he will reject me if I share. On the same note, I don't want to fall for him and then have him dump me because of the illness. I always thought that I should wait until the third date or so, but because we are texting between dates, we are getting to know each other and I think that accelerates the relationship a little.
What is your advice, do I write him an email and spill my guts? I am worried because I have to also disclose that my finances are horrible because of the illness and I am putting the pieces of life together, looking for steady work, but also possibly fighting off a depressive episode at the same time.
Do I put it all out there? And when?
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There seems like no consensus on this, but my advice would be to say it when it feels like you should say it. I personally would say something before getting sexually intimiate with the person. If they have a problem with it, you both might want to have the opportunity to bail before it gets that serious. I met my current bf on OK Cupid and he told me really early on, like within the first few messages that he is a recovering alcoholic and has NPD. That caused me initially to say I wasn't interested in him romantically but I did want to ask him lots of questions about what it was like to have NPD. Lol, I'm horrible.
He was cool and answered the questions and the conversation tapered off as they so often do online. A few months later he sent me another message and we hit it off. We have been in a relationship for over a year now. It took me a lot longer to tell him about my borderline traits that it probably should have, given how open he was about his dxes. All that is to say that to the right person, your ilness(es) will not be an issue.
The financial stuff I would wait to disclose until later. Only if you get married will that effect him so I think there's no need to get into all that. You don't know how his finances are either, I'm guessing!