I just now realized how hard I've been avoiding this forum. Finally, at fifty years old, I told a therapist and pdoc that I have DID. They both scoffed. So, I've avoided coming here because I was avoiding another scoff. Knowing that now, I've had a talk with ourselves and we're okay with it now if that's what you folks do - we see the possibility coming and we're ready now. We weren't ready before. So here we go with our question:

I'd like opinions. Does what I am describing sound like DID to you or not. I realize that you are not psychiatrists and diagnosing over the internet is more than stupid - it's dangerous. So I'm not asking for a diagnosis, just opinions. There's actually two things I'd like to ask you all. First, does this sound like DID to you? Second, if it does, how do I reengage my therapist and pdoc on the subject since they've already rejected the idea?

I am a sexual abuse survivor. Most of the abuse happened during the ages of zero to three years old. At that point, the sexual abuse began to subside and be replaced with physical abuse. For what it's worth, the physical abuse was rather tame - as far as that goes. By age six, the primary abuse became emotional and psychological in nature.

Throughout my childhood and young adulthood, I would lose a significant amount of time regularly. We were thinking about it last night in anticipation of writing this post and got stuck trying to determine if it was daily or if she (my alter) took days off. We couldn't decide but figured sharing that would give a pretty good idea of how often. But going to sleep and waking in the morning feeling like I hadn't gotten a wink all night was common - as was finding drawings and lots of coloring. I awoke with crayons in the bed more times than I can count.

I did not become conscious of her presence until I was twenty-seven. When we met, I was inundated with memories that I hadn't remembered including, but not limited to, my mother's extensive sexual abuse.

Addendum: adding this in an edit.

One more thing. I don't enjoy socializing, my alter does to some degree. Even though we are co-conscious...hard to explain. I think of it this way: I'm usually driving the bus, but she is with me looking out the window. Occasionally she go a seat or two back and play, but she can look up and see what's going on as it interests her. When we find ourselves in a social situation though, she'll switch places and drive for a bit as I stay close enough to help with difficult subjects and toss her lines. She rarely goes to the back of the bus where she can't see or hear anything, usually just sexual encounters with my wife...can't think of much else right now, but I tell her when they're over and she'll come back up front unless she's taking a nap or something. Me, I (almost) never go to the back of the bus - like I said, only once in the last twenty-three years. I went to sleep and she took over because frankly, I needed her to and wouldn't ask.

Here however, is the twist, and the basis for the reason my therapist and pdoc (who both acknowledge that they've never seen a case of DID) rejecting DID. In the last twenty-three years, I've had one unexplained time loss. The thing is, when we met, and more importantly how we met, brokered a friendship. Over the next two years, it was all we focused on. We became a team - team us. We've been co-conscious ever since. There was one exception as I said, but it was a move generated by love and desperation - not competition.

It's this reason my pdoc has rejected DID. No loss of time - not DID. Anyway, if you have thoughts - or questions to allow me to me more clear, please share or ask. Thank you in advance.