i am new here and apologize for dumping my problems right off the bat, but i am losing my desire to be in my marriage. while dating this man three years ago, my only apprehension was the way he was raising his child. he has a son that is 13. since the kid was 7, he was left on his own (no sitter). his father worked 3 jobs and didn't get home till after 9pm. the kid was very disrespectful when i came into the picture, and was in trouble alot. his father never disaplined him so he was basically free to do as he wished. against my better judgement, i married into this situation with the foolish idea that i could help this kid onto the right track, and show his father how to be a father. i have twin 11 year old girls. in the beginning, things were rough, but i had his father's support. i would punish his son for getting into trouble, disrespecting adults, etc. it didn't last long though. when the kid got suspended from school, his father stayed home from work and for his kid, it was a skip day to have fun with his dad. no punishment. i told him that he was grounded for a week but his father let him out the following day. then at he was caught smoking in the house, after a search of his room, i found knives, condums, firecrackers, and more cigs. i took them from him and told him he was grounded. again, the following day, his father gave him back all the items and let him out of the house. the kid even got a ride to the store and got someone to buy him a pack of cigs. for 2 years now, i have fought with his father on issues of family. his father does not believe his kid is a bad kid, even though he has been suspended from school twice, has had saturday detention several times, been caught smoking by neighbors, teacher, etc. but the father doesn't believe them, because his son tells him he doesn't smoke, so what he says is true. he even came home with a huge hicky on his neck, and then was allowed to spend the night at his girlfriends house the next night. this kid knows he doesn't have to listen to what i say, because as soon as his father gets home, nothing i said matters. his father has even told me i see and hear things when i tell him about his son's behavior. i have been called a lier by my husband. there has been a history of child protective services stepping in and questioning the parenting of this kid before i came into the picture. my husband tells me he is a boy so he is allowed to do more things than what i allow my kids to do. this entire last summer, the kid spent 2 nights here. his father didn't know where he was for all those other nights, this kid just turned 13. i am not allowed to bring up his son, what he does, my opinion on how he deals with his trouble in school, or with neighbors. he believes that to ground him for bad behavior will do no good. the way he is raising his son is the complete opposite on how i have been raised and how i raise my kids. i am trying to just live here and just ignore him and his son, but am finding it impossible. anyone else have a similar situation? any advice? again, i am sorry to vent this way, but i just needed to get it out. i will be going to therpy soon and won't ask my husband to join me, because it would do no good. if child protective services can't change how he raises his child, and if i can't get him to open his eyes and uncover his ears, he won't go to therpy, for he isn't doing anything wrong. thanks for letting me vent and putting up with my whinning. best wishes to all and take care