I was diagnosed borderline with narcissistic traits about a month or two ago. I also have a previous diagnosis of Bipolar 1. But I've been reading so many books and scholarly journal articles regarding borderline, I am beginning to seriously doubt my Bipolar diagnosis. Don't get me wrong. I don't mind the bipolar diagnosis. Med can treat it. However, I feel that there is no way to tell if my utter lack of empathy and state of complete apathy and numbness are truly BPD and NPD related or overmedicated for a disorder I wonder if I may or may not have (bipolar).

So I made the probably very VERY unwise decision to wean off most of my meds. I am currently on lithium, lamictal, abilify, celexa, wellbutrin, and adderral. I'm planning on only keeping the wellbutrin, lamictal, and adderral at this point, as I noticed an improvement in sptims when I took them. Today marks my first day fully off celexa, lithium, and abilify after a taper down. And other than feeling edgier and a bit less tolerant, I feel absolutely no difference from when I was on the full dose of everything.

Too soon to tell of course, but if things stay the same, I think I will have trouble coming to terms with the fact that my mental health is not entirely organic and rather a result of a "pathological personality" as my psychologist puts it. That will put the onus squarely on me to work my *** off to work in therapy and white nuckle my behaviors and perceptions into control. Meds won't be my pancea anymore. It will mean I fried my memory for nothing with ECT.

Anyway, I'm not looking for anyone to condone or condemn my decision. I may end up smack where I was on all my meds...and I may not. I just don't have anyone to express my thoughts and feelings to in my life at the moment (things are rough between my husband and I). I don't know what's up from down currently and I just feel the need to figure out if biochemistry is messing with me or my personality dysfunctions.