Quote:
Originally Posted by TryingToMoveForward
I commend you for pursuing a doctorate. It is a dream of mine, but now I'm questioning whether I'd like to pursue it.  In all seriousness though, I relate a lot to what you're saying. Not being a contemporary beauty, or liking myself all that much either. What Yagr shared could not have been conveyed any better. There is a message there you might want to take to heart. I know I will try to. You're at a point where there are a lot of unknowns in your life, so insecurity makes a lot of sense.
Relationships are not my forte. So there isn't any advice I can really give you, other then being gentle and kind to yourself. Understanding and accepting these insecurities and knowing they aren't permanent. Take care of yourself. |
I wouldn't question pursuing a doctorate just based on my experience with it if that's what you're implying.
It's just the reasons I don't like myself is why I don't have friends and why I don't imagine many (if any) other people falling in love with me. I have little capacity for empathy. The only reason I think I have any at all or that I'm able to bond with another human is because I seem to bond with him. Affection and touch was something I had to learn…I didn't already know how to show affection physically like everyone else. I'm incredibly selfish and didn't even realize until it was pointed out to me. I have narcissistic traits. Despite (because of?) my low self-esteem I feel like I need to be worshipped. I'm never given enough credit for what I do. The reason I'm not more manipulative in life is because I don't know how to be…I don't know the right thing to say. I just end up being too truthful and blunt. I just don't pay enough attention to other people. I don't understand why someone would want to be my friend unless they're using me in some way and so I avoid getting close to people anymore. When I did people either reacted against me either violently or used me.
Now I'm more self-conscious because I can see how much of a monster I am and can pinpoint specific reasons.