Quote:
Originally Posted by hazn
It sounds like you suspect yourself of being a covert narcissist.
May I ask how long you have been with your boyfriend, and what it is you like about him? Can you see any faults in your boyfriend? You mentioned that you feel like you've bonded with this person, in what way exactly? You mentioned that your boyfriend is "secure", could you elaborate a little? Has he ever expressed dissatisfaction with you, or concerns about your relationship?
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I suspected that after reading a thread about it. I have narcissistic traits but I'm certainly not NPD or anything. I'm not good at manipulation or anything like that. I've also wondered if I had Aspergers, but it's inconclusive.
We've been together for a little more than a year and three months. I like that he's nice to me. He actually listens to me and I feel like I can actually express needs and they won't be ignored. He actually bothered to get to know me. He's also become more patient with me (believe it or not) the longer he's known me. He seems to accept me the way I am to a certain extent anyway. And yes, I can see faults in him. Some of those come from his own issues such as Aspergers and another neurological disorder. Look in the sex forum to see any of the many threads I made about our sexual problems which might stem a lot from the neurological issues I'm starting to think. He also has a tendency to become belligerent when I'm trying to help him.
I feel we've bonded because I can actually feel empathy for him. He's said that he's seen me show empathy towards him, just not towards other people. I just feel like the same species as him, you know what I mean?
And by secure, I mean he trusts me to not cheat or something like that. I could have male friends and he wouldn't feel threatened.
And yes he has expressed dissatisfaction with me and concerns about the relationship. Especially about my ability to be a mother. I'll admit that at this point in time, I wouldn't make a good mother, but I don't see how I can't be in a few years? I might just be behind in developing emotional maturity etc. I have changed in the time he's known me so I've at least shown that I'm not incapable or unwilling to change.
He's also the one to mention how selfish I am. I never realized. I guess when I try to be selfless it's disingenuous and superficial.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hazn
Also you speak very negatively of yourself... you mentioned lack of empathy, selfish, unaffectionate, etc ...how do you manage to explain that to your boyfriend? Or, is it something you've been able to hide from him?
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Meeting my parents explained it to him. How would I learn empathy and affection from a very cold family? How would I learn to not be selfish if I'm an only child from a family that has money? This is the result of my childhood and he understands it from that context. He's also spoke with a former therapist with me. Although we were discussing how when I suddenly get depressed for a day or two that I wasn't doing it to manipulate him into spending time with me. When I get that low, I don't feel safe left to myself.
I don't really hide anything from him. And he pretty much knows everything. And I don't see any reason to start lying or hiding anything now.
And I have actually learned how to be physically affectionate without being told what to do. It's not 100% natural yet in all cases, but I'm a lot more comfortable with it. It wasn't like I never wanted affection. I just didn't know how it worked. It always had sexual connotations to me, so it made it harder to learn before being in a romantic relationship. I've only managed to show empathy to him, so I'm capable of it, but I'm not sure how to show it with people I'm not really close to. I don't know if I'm less selfish or not…I would think it helps that I'm aware of it at least.