I could have written this post almost word-for-word!

My T often talks about how 'courteous' I am. Heh.

I show a lot of consideration for T's feelings--but I do so by editing my tone more than my content. I won't avoid bringing up something about T that's irritated me for fear of upsetting him, but I will express the thing in 'I' statements, not 'you' statements, try my best to be reflective and rational, and own my own feelings as something within my power to control, not as something he created.

Mostly, I try my best not to assume he feels anything 'secretly,' and just trust that if he feels something and it's relevant, he will bring it up.

I won't say I haven't at times been tempted to say everything and anything without filter or consideration--it would be cathartic and T would absorb it without lashing back at me--but would it really be helpful practice of interpersonal skills? I don't think so.

Consideration has had its downsides for me, though. I'm pretty much convinced that it's because I'm so 'courteous' that T is so often late. I would bet ten bucks he doesn't do that to people who've screamed at him for it.

It's also made it difficult to bring up traumatic material because it seems unfair--discourteous--to subject T to that.