Quote:
Originally Posted by Seraphine
Yeah I only let loose at people who really really push for it, like treat me like dirt for ages. Lately the only one I've really gotten mad at is my bf, and only when I've taken far more bs in the name of peace than most ppl ever would. But when I do let go, things get broken. He can't talk though. He breaks all kinds of stuff in his tantrums.
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I've decided that I don't want to break the things I own. LOL They cost too much money and chances are I can't afford to replace them. So I beat on cushioned surfaces to prevent injury but also achieve that level of aggressive satisfaction. The only person I have ever blown up to was my mom. She was the abuser in my life, and she's always had a grudge against me because my dad treated me like I was precious. It made her jealous. I'm pretty certain she doesn't love me. But I basically told her everything I've wanted to say the past 15 years. She denies abusing me, but I have PTSD as evidence for it. At this point I'm okay with her not loving me. She has never been the mom I need, and she never will be.