Well,through a combination of pressure/being pushed and doing some spiritual healing work,I finally feel over my ptsd I had since spring. I am at a place of understanding and acceptance about what happened and feel strong and ready to let it go and move on. It's of the past now and I feel the freedom within me from letting go of it. It's like a veil has been lifted.This made me very happy and excited about life but then I realized wow I wasted so much of my life from the drama of the panic attacks and being so scared to be in my own home. I feel a bit...stupid and ashamed a bit. I hate how whenever I overcome something I look back and feel I wasted so much time being stuck on it. I was lurking some old friend's social media's pages and they look so happy and are living their dreams and feel freedom. It's amazing and yet here I have been not living my dreams lately. It makes me sad. I want to soar ahead now and make things happen. I just feel there's so much more I can do.

I still have the mild agoraphobia. That's something I've had for years now but the ptsd from this spring is now gone. I should be celebrating that I can be in my house now alone and I was but now i've overwhelmed about creating a more independent future. I get anxiety since i'm not 21 anymore.It's a limiting belief I have. It's like if i was 21,it would be so much easier is what i keep thinking which i should stop. I know I need to take things in steps and relax and be positive but I want to charge ahead trying to earn money since I haven't been earning money for over a year now because of my agoraphobia and working on my dreams. Any advice/tips? I've manifested some amazing things in my time despite my agoraphobia but now those achievements don't mean as much to me,I hate to say,and I want bigger. I almost feel guilty even trying to do the little things like traveling alone for jobs that won't even really make money but are great for resume and going out with friends or to a cafe by myself. It's like i'm so conflicted. Part of me knows I need to do even those things again to do the bigger things and my dreams give me a fire that I need but then there's guilt not being able to do more.