I'm a mess today. I more or less woke up thinking about how I don't really have any right to feel negative about anything, how guilty I feel about how easy I've had it in life up to now: no abuse, no real problems, just a lot of emotional dysfunction and self-hate. But compared to so many other people, I don't know what it is to suffer, I have no right to feel as awful as I do.

I tried to meditate with some new music this morning and for whatever reason, it made me cry. Like, I just uncurled myself and started bawling until I couldn't anymore. Then lolled around the house until I decided to follow through with a plan to go out and spend money I don't have to stuff myself with food I don't need. Yeah, everything sucks right now.