I have been pondering lately about my sexuality. First I've been single for 4.5 months I was with my ex a guy for 10 years. He knew from the beginning how I liked women I didn't get a gf until I was 24 in 09 as we started exploring polyamory. If you don't know look it up!

Since that terrible break up with ex gf of 4 months I haven't practiced poly since too many women wasting my money most are mono they should seek a mono person not the complete opposite. For some odd reason I feel embarrassed being seen in public with a girl by kissing and holding hands I don't know why I still have issues with self esteem and not caring what others think yet I'm almost 30. I can be myself in a kink club or lgbt but other places I have an issue.

I'm an extremely private person being abused has made me into this confidential person plus I feel a lot of things aren't others biz unless I want you to know. I haven't done stuff with women in my teens hence it took me a long time to get a gf. The relationship between my ex gf and ex bf was separated.

What I'm looking to do is be with more women by dating casually on my terms since I don't want a relationship nor a serious one I'm still working on myself not ready for casual yet. I'm making my own rules I wouldn't mind casual like dates gifts sex hang out as long as there's no serious attachment. I want to be able to talk and negotiate this in an adult manner. I want to be able to see others almost like poly with an agreements we both establish.

I'm still working on my career trying to make it go somewhere so a real relationship would not be ideal right now. I'm learning even more to make my own rules negotiations and be my own person.

Any suggestions on not caring what others think and get over this fear? If what I'm saying makes sense.