Quote:
Originally Posted by ladytiger
I have been pondering lately about my sexuality. First I've been single for 4.5 months I was with my ex a guy for 10 years. He knew from the beginning how I liked women I didn't get a gf until I was 24 in 09 as we started exploring polyamory. If you don't know look it up!
Since that terrible break up with ex gf of 4 months I haven't practiced poly since too many women wasting my money most are mono they should seek a mono person not the complete opposite. For some odd reason I feel embarrassed being seen in public with a girl by kissing and holding hands I don't know why I still have issues with self esteem and not caring what others think yet I'm almost 30. I can be myself in a kink club or lgbt but other places I have an issue.
I'm an extremely private person being abused has made me into this confidential person plus I feel a lot of things aren't others biz unless I want you to know. I haven't done stuff with women in my teens hence it took me a long time to get a gf. The relationship between my ex gf and ex bf was separated.
What I'm looking to do is be with more women by dating casually on my terms since I don't want a relationship nor a serious one I'm still working on myself not ready for casual yet. I'm making my own rules I wouldn't mind casual like dates gifts sex hang out as long as there's no serious attachment. I want to be able to talk and negotiate this in an adult manner. I want to be able to see others almost like poly with an agreements we both establish.
I'm still working on my career trying to make it go somewhere so a real relationship would not be ideal right now. I'm learning even more to make my own rules negotiations and be my own person.
Any suggestions on not caring what others think and get over this fear? If what I'm saying makes sense.
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I've always considered being uncomfortable with public same-gender/sex relationships as internalized heterosexism. We live in an overtly heterosexist society that celebrates heterosexuality as the norm and punishes all those that deviate from it. That stuff gets internalized whether or not you know it. I'm almost 35, I dealt with feeling weird and uncomfortable holding hands or kissing another woman in public for a long time. Even places where I didn't have to worry about getting attacked, like in San Francisco, it just felt weird and uncomfortable for me. Eventually I just got uncomfortable with any PDA at all, with male or female or trans* partners. I think getting fed up is what made me get over the fear - I got fed up with pretty much everything, lol. I was fed up with feeling like I had to ID as a lesbian even though I've always been attracted to people of all genders; I got tired of being put-down for presenting as super femme; I got tired of feeling like I would lose my queer identity if I dated a dude so one day I just said "F*** it!" and just stopped caring. It took practice to not feel self-conscious with PDA but I just pushed through it. Maybe just remind yourself that you set your own rules in all aspects of your dating and romantic life, and everyone else can go to h***.
IDK where you live but a good friend of mine is in Austin TX and she is constantly complaining that all the women on Ok Cupid are poly and she can't find anyone interested in monogamy. Maybe try OKC? Moving might be extreme
