Ariah,
welcome to the forums. I can relate - I was in the hospital just last month and everyday I want to go back there. I need to feel and be safe, as I am not out here in 3D.
I know that for me, it is a daily battle to stay alive and do what I have to do. I won't lie and say it's easy.
Try to find something to focus on - something positive, no matter how small. You have the strength to keep going - you've already proved that.
Hopefully you are seeing a therapist, to talk and work through the problems.
I wish you lots of support.
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