Quote:
Originally Posted by hazn
I've been reading 'Attached' by Dr Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, and I have to say it's been a real eye-opener for me. Would definitely recommend it! It actually might help save you from pursuing relationships which aren't right for you, and to be more self-aware in terms of why you're attracted to people who aren't able to connect with you on a deeper level. If you're an "anxious" type and find yourself in rollercoaster relationships with those you consider to be "avoidant", you'll definitely benefit from looking into attachment theory. If you're an avoidant and cannot understand why the hell your partner is turning into a needy, dependent person... this book might help you understand why.
If you've never heard about attachment theory, do a quick Google search, and then take the test here:
Attachment Styles and Close Relationships
If you go for option B you don't need to provide your email address or anything, and should only take a few minutes to complete.
Would love to hear from people who know about attachment theory (it's something relatively new to me, so I don't know too much), as well as your experiences with people of different attachment styles. It would also be awesome to learn others attachment styles... so please do share your results  |
I have this book right now....fortunately nobody else wants it at the library so I just keep on renewing it. I've read it once and want to read it again. Its a pretty easy read for anyone who's interested.
Its definitely an eye opener! The biggest thing I've taken away from it is that I am an anxious person and because avoidants AVOID relationships, I'm much more likely to meet them at this stage of the game (in my 30's) because secure people have already settled down by now whereas avoidants are in the population in greater proportions because they continue to avoid serious relationships. Of course this just means things will be harder for me, but I think its better knowing the truth. AVOID AVOIDANTS! LOL. This is sort of my new motto because I EXCEL at attracting avoidant guys.
One of my old therapists worked with people who have attachment issues. I started seeing her for other reasons, but she said I definitely have attachment issue symptoms (but I don't think you can diagnose attachment disorders in adults?) Of course, most of her other patients were children (many of whom were adopted). I don't see her anymore, and its hard to find someone else who deals with attachment issues. (And I'm not even sure I want to dive back into therapy at this point because I don't want to destabilize.)
The book is a great read for anyone who finds it difficult to navigate the waters of relationships. I think that if anything it will ultimately end up saving me a lot of time. I will be able to walk away from avoidants a bit easier and I will be able to spot them from the get-go. And yes, I WILL be able to say "its not me, its you!" Ok, I would never say that to anyone, but if you meet someone who you know isn't a good match for you attachment wise, its best to walk away from the beginning rather than try and make things work (it probably won't).