i am so ridiculous. i spent most of last night crying because my son is spending christmas eve with the girlfriends family .he said she wouldnt let him get away with not being involved with her family traditions . no im not angry he is spending christmas eve with his girls family. what i am so upset at is how pathetic my family and i am . i dont have any traditions any more . nothing , i didnt even decorate at all . i put nothing out . for the last 6 years i have gone to the casino to hide from anyone who would bother me on christmas. the thing i ,i dont want to decorate ,i dont want to deal with christmas . i have nothing to offer my son .nothing like this other families traditions and love and caring. i love my son deeply but am i good for him anymore ? NO IM NOT . i cant get out of my head enough to even put up a single decoration . i have no family that even wants me around . im miserable that with my son going to this new family i am forced to see how much i dont have . how much i dont have to offer . i wish my T could understand this . it isnt that im upset that my son has this girlfrien and family he likes but how much i dont have . i guess im selfish about that because i am so sad at this point knowing ill never have what his girlfriends family has