I quit seeing my therapist and my psychiatrist because I have convinced myself that I don't really have bipolar disorder or BPD. Like countless times before I have thrown out all of my medication and I have convinced myself that I can take care of myself. A part of me knows that this is wrong, but the other part of me, the part that is winning thinks to hell with treatment. I am feeling like I am just fine, just a little lost and I just need to grow up. I know that I have messed up in the past, but I feel like that is only because I am lazy and immature, and that if I just grow up already I will be fine. Maybe I should go IP? I feel like if I keep going this route I will lose everything that I have left which isn't much. But I just can't control myself. I feel like I am outside of my body and that I'm not really in control. I am just going through the motions.