True. My self confidence never recovered. So I do struggle with that and fear of rejection, hence fear of wanting to go to his family's thing tonight cause they might reject me. The in law thing is definitely harder when you are a girl. Ill be d@mned if I do and d@mned if I don't. Even if there is an illusion that is all good now, the rejection and criticism is bubbling under the surface. It's only a matter of time before his mom finds a million reasons why I'm not treating her baby the way he should be treated or doing what I should be doing. And I have to maintain peace in the relationship because he truly loves his mom. I like her fine but I've seen way too many instances ( and experienced them myself) of mother in law - daughter in law relationships having conflict constantly. His mom is way better than me to, actually his whole family seems to be.. better than my family..
His family is kind of religious and doesn't drink. I'll go, but I'm sneaking in alcohol. I'll happily drink myself into a blissful state of my own choosing in my own world, distant and removed, yet present, smiling and getting into the convo every now and then. Kids table and all haha. Thanks for the support and the suggestions!!! Much appreciated!