View Single Post
scattergories
Junior Member
 
Member Since Nov 2012
Posts: 17
12
Default Dec 24, 2015 at 06:58 PM
 
Your paranoia sounds exactly like mine. When I'm paranoid, I believe that people are talking about me everywhere I go, that somehow everyone knows someone who knows me and what a bad person I am. I once went to a restaurant to celebrate my boyfriend's birthday. We were waiting for our table and had a seat at the bar and ordered coffee. The bar was pretty packed and I kept thinking that everyone around us was judging us for taking up a seat at the bar just to drink coffee. When we sat at our table, I kept hearing voices from the bar of people complaining about us, which of course was not true. I couldn't handle it. Before we had the chance to put an order in, I had to get up and leave.

I would do this a lot. I used to think that people were spying on me and had put pinhole cameras and microphones in my walls so I went around and inspected all the tiny holes in my apartment and filled them with putty. I though that my phone was bugged by someone I had gone on a date with that ended badly and that he could listen in on anything I was doing through the phone, whether I was using it or not. I used to leave my phone in my glove box when I would go to therapy because I didn't want him to hear what I was saying. Eventually I went to the store and got a new phone and changed my phone number.

I have a million stories about my paranoia, I could go on and on about it. What I find so interesting about it is the way my brain was able to create these connections between things that to a clear minded person weren't connected but to me and even to some of my friends that I would talk to about it, seemed convincing. The only thing that has helped me with my paranoia is to take an antipsychotic. I've been diagnosed with bipolar 1, whether that's true or not I don't know but the medication that I take treats my symptoms very well. I went off my meds for a period of time when I thought I could live without them and I did okay for a awhile but the paranoia snuck up on me and came back without my even realizing it till I became so paranoid that people at work were conspiring against me that I packed up my stuff and just didn't show up for work. I went back on my meds and kept my job. I know I'll have to be on my meds in order to function normally in society and I'm lucky that they work and enable me to do that. I would encourage you to talk to a doctor about how you're feeling.
scattergories is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Lost_in_the_woods