Thank you all. I am taking you up on your suggestions and trying to talk this through. You will all be really sick of me by Labor Day.

Intellectually I know he will be back but emotionally I don't. Actually,the intellectual belief is beginning to wane too. When he went away in July I thought he was in the airport in Scotland where the car bomb went off. (I don't even think he went to Scotland, I made that part up)

I went to a wedding this afternoon, thought I was going to have a panic attack on the way there and almost asked my husband to turn the car around. Instead, I went and downed three bloody mary's. The anxiety is better. I know, not a great coping mechanism but it worked for today. Man, T would just give me that blank look or say, what does the alcohol do for you? hahahaha

I hear myself writing all this and I think I am off the walls. Okay, Pink I will get the journal out, good idea. I did write him one letter already but that was in the beginning. Now I feel as though I am in the middle of a tunnel with no light in sight from either side.

I simply do not know how I will make it through. Nobody said it would be this hard, dammit.

All morning I kept having intense SI images....don't want to go there. I've had a few childhood memories of being alone that suck.



2 weeks, 3 days till my next appointment with T.

1 week, 6 days till I can call him on the phone to check in.