To me it makes sense that you would both acknowledge she made you mentally unwell but still have feelings of "love" and attachment to process through.

In my experience and also in a few observations of others, usually it's not that avoidants won't communicate, it's just that they will only communicate very subtly. We usually won't communicate with people we don't really care about, but when it comes to someone we do really care about, we just do it very subtly out of pathological caution. If the person we have a relation with happens to be an over-analyzer or fixer type, then it is very possible that they will learn how to pick up on our very subtle methods, even if it's only on a subconscious level.

So there can indeed be a bond and even communication going on, but it might be so subtle that it's far from being clear-cut on a conscious level. So you might wind up with all of the feelings, yet with very little clear-cut, objective material in your memories to go along with them.

Also, this can also cause us to idealize someone (if we are the shallow type) or to genuinely feel deeply bonded to a person (if we are the deeper type), because many avoidants wind up feeling like the world avoids us. (Ironic and our own making, but true none the less.) We can wind up feeling this way because we suck so hard at communicating and being brave, that most of the world isn't able to pick up on it (not the world's fault, of course). But our resulting experience is that we often feel like ghosts. So when we encounter someone who is able and willing to pick up our very subtle signals and patterns, that can be extremely special to us. So it is also possible for the other person to pick up on genuine vibes of love from the Avoidant, because they might actually be there.

As far as dismissive-avoidants being similar to narcissists, I would agree with that. From the outside, it can be rather difficult to tell an Anxious and a Dismissive apart, because the behaviors are often the same - UNTIL - the other person tries to strongly prompt communication. I think that is where the distinction is likely to become apparent. At that point, an Anxious-Avoidant is likely to respond; even if they weren't willing to initiate, an Anxious is usually soothed by the display of interest and care from the other person, allowing them to overcome their anxiety and attempt to awkwardly, anxiously fumble through a tough conversation. A Dismissive, however, will not consider it worth the risk and stress to respond, even if you are pressing them and making it clear that you care. They won't consider you to be more valuable than protecting themselves. This is similar to the core theme of narcissism, in that the narcissist cares less about others than they do about protecting themselves emotionally, at the bottom line.

I also think things can get messy and confusing, in that Avoidants can transition back and forth between Anxious and Dismissive. I know this is definitely true for me, and I have seen the same thing in 2 other people throughout my life. For me, my default setting is Anxious-Avoidant, but when I become overwhelmed enough or simply burnt out after too much over time, I tend to transition into Dismissive. It's sort of like blowing an emotional fuse, and all the lights go out when the fuse is blown. Right now such tests classify me as more dismissive than anxious, and it doesn't surprise me. I've been through some rough **** recently in life, currently have no friends, have had heavy things on my mind lately, and these days my general outlook on humanity is not that optimistic. But I can just about guarantee that the moment I am caught off guard and start to care for someone new, I will be right back in the Anxious category.

So just to say, that it is possible to bond with an Anxious-Avoidant, and then experience them transitioning into a Dismissive-Avoidant, which can make you question everything about the whole relationship. But chances are that the person simply had that emotionally-dissociative fuse-blow and has become someone who cannot possibly give you what you need and deserve in a relationship, but that doesn't mean you were dumb or delusional about things in the beginning.