There are haoss in my mind about relationships and about what I want and I dont know what to do..i know that no one can give me an answer but..
I have feelings for my therapist for 3 years and now Im in relationship for 6 months with a guy who seemed perfect to me at first but then we started to have issues, he was unhappy with me, he always was sad and disappointed and blamed me for working too much, he also couldnt understand my health issues and made me feel like Im drowning and cant breath. I felt so depressed and got drunk with my friend's friend and he started to kiss me etc, I know Im doing wrong but I couldnt say no. We had sex and I enjoyed it (sex with my bf is boring because he has no experience). That guy didnt want to be with me, he wanted only sex. I thought I would leave my bf to be with him but I met him only for few times when we had sex, I dont know him.
Last night I decided to leave my bf but didnt tell him. he deleted all pics of us in facebook and relationship status and told my best friend that our relationships sucks for months. It hurt me.
I texted that guy I slept with and we had phone sex but after this I felt bad and I cant understand why. Maybe its because of feelings for my therapist.
Now my bf acts like everything is okay and I dont know what to do.
Yes I know I am bad but no matter what I do I feel bad. If Im alone it seems like loneliness is killing me, when im.with my bf it seems like he emotionally destroys me, when I had sex with another man I felt good but now I feel bad and miss my therapist.
I dont know what to do to understand whats happening in my mind.