Quote:
Originally Posted by missbella
I don't see the slightest "honesty" in a condescending, snide remark like that. If someone said that to me I'd think it all about the woman who delivered it and her need to be judgmental. Of course seeking out, getting and embarking on a new job is intimidating. It's a combination of competing, salesmanship, testing abilities, learning new systems, developing new skills and leaping into the unknown. To suggest that carries no stress, contains no need to worry is pathologizing the normal.
And what if I really was "afraid of everything"? First, I can't be. I managed to function, travel to therapy and pay for it. I left my room, ate something and got out in the world. There is no way a general, condemning label like that would be the slightest help or insight for me. It merely asserts the woman delivered it needs to feign superiority by taking advantage of my situational vulnerability.
I don't think we stop being human beings at the consulting room door. If a girlfriend said that to me over lunch it would sound incredibly "frenemy" and catty. Being a therapist doesn't buy immunity from tact. And she sets an atrocious example of interpersonal skills.
One yardstick--if you said that to her I bet she wouldn't like it. Or if you told her she's really talking about her own fears, bet she wouldn't like that either.
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Thanks for your reply. A lot of people pointed out what maybe my T didn't mean it in a bad way. Then I read your comment and it holds a lot of truth too, but it's different. I think so much has to do with our past, what we learned and how we interpret things.
Of course it can't be true that someone is afraid of everything. Or at least we'd overcome a lot of those fears every single day (if it were true).
I also started to wonder whether my T was actually trying to say that I have an anxiety issue... but I stopped thinking about that. At least.
I understand what you say about superiority and vulnerability. I don't know whether the comment had anything to do with superiority though. My T mentioned she has a lot of fears too, but doesn't always let them stop her. So that made things slightly better. But, yes, if we're already vulnerable and we make ourselves even more vulnerable by admitting we're scared quite often... it can hurt a lot when someone assumes we're 'afraid of everything'.
I wouldn't let a friend say that to me either, but then again... a friend doesn't know my 'issues' the way my T does. So maybe that's why.
I'll try to talk about it. Mentioning the things I do overcome all the time and try to figure out what her intention really was...