I know that what you're saying is right, but it's really difficult for me to think like that and keep it up. I end up questioning everything and trying to figure out what happened, what I did wrong, how I could have done things differently, what it all means, etc. The fact that she isn't interested in closure makes it impossible. If you care about someone, you want the best for them even if you can't be with that person. You don't deliberately do something which you know is going to hurt them. I can't imagine a scenario where I'd cut someone out like that, I really can't. That's so hypocritical... on one hand someone will express fear of losing you, of being rejected, of wanting a close relationship, and on the other hand they have the ability to drop someone like a hot potato. This person was my only close friend, and I shared things with her that I haven't shared with anyone else. She knew that, without a doubt. She knew how much she meant to me and made me believe it was mutual. I just wanted to have one person I could do that with, and she told me that's what she wanted too. It doesn't make sense. How can you claim that you've bonded with someone in a way you haven't with anyone else; to have something special and unique; make out you have unconditional love for that person; and then just discard everything in a moment? I can't even talk to her to try and understand how she feels and get her perspective on the whole thing.

So I'm sorry, there's no way I can reconcile between those things. Yes, MAYBE the whole thing meant something at a particular moment, but that's it. Because if there was any true and meaningful attachment, if there was compassion and empathy, I don't see how that could ever happen. I wouldn't do that to my worst enemy, let alone the person I love. OK, so she's unable to form attachments, or to love (at one point she told me she didn't know what love is, but of course I didn't listen) ...so I should feel less guilty, right? But no, instead I feel like I didn't try hard enough, and if I did things differently maybe there would have been a different outcome. But I know that's not true, but I end up in this cycle which honestly makes me feel like I must have a personality disorder or something.

Anyway, it's fine and there's absolutely nothing I can do to change the situation anyway. I'm not going to spend the rest of my life trying to solve an unsolvable puzzle. It's not my responsibility anymore. I'll get over it.