i tried to talk to someone but did not have the guts to finish up my sentences and the subjects, because i was and am so ashamed of my past.

so to start from the beginning, from the time that i was little i used to like hanging out with boys because i thought hanging up with them might help me hanging up with the girls, and by time passed i realize now that i used to spend more time with boys and start talking with them more easily than women, even though i love women i get aroused by them, before turning 18 i was rejected by girls many times, and it was like i was carving for a love or anything sweet that time, in my age of 18 i had a (male) friend and he though me so many things including smoking and even sex, i don't know how it happened but we had sex and once in 3 months we used to meet and fool around and have sex and etc, i think at that time i was ok with that because i was feeling that someone is wanting me and i want them it was like the lost feeling that i found, i wasn't being dominated, we were doing it by rounds i think if i a remembering right. i traveled abroad for 2 years that time and whenever i used to go to an internet cafe, i used look what people are using to chat and hook up with girls, so i use them, i was not able to get laid with any one at that time, i was always afraid of losing what i had so never had the balls to ask for more than i used to get, which was kissing and Maybe some touching, one time i was broke did not have money at all and wasn't going to get salary until end of the week, so when i was at an internet cafe there was a guy sitting behind me, and he was gay i started to chat with him using the same website and we chat for sometime then i agreed to sleep with him for 20$ which was so much money at that time in the country that i was working, so we went to his house we slept together he dominated me, almost raped me, but i was taking all the pain with the point that i am going to get money so that i can live the rest of the week (food and transportation). but eventually he did not pay me and instead he let me to rub my penis between his legs and masturbate like that . fortunately i was able to go through the week. he told me about some gay websites, which i started to use to get acquainted with people cross-dressers, shemale, and since it was easy to hook up with them more than girls i was able to sleep with them without paying money and i was the person who was dominating so that was ok for me, and in the mean while i used to meet with girls too and go out and talk and etc. months passed , years passed i was still using that website from time to time and was always trying to hangout with anyone i get for free, to satisfy my sexual desires. i am ashamed of my self right now that i had done all those stuff in my past, and i want to move on, to be honest till now i get aroused of watching shemale porn, but i prefer having real sex with women and not men, nor shemales, it's not that it did not cross my mind, but i am forcing my self not to go down that road again.

how can i overcome of my past ? how can i feel ok that it was in the past and i am straight now, i love women i am not gay. i want to be with women not men.

i don't want to open this subject with my therapist cause i am afraid of his reaction or his answer. once we have talked and his reaction about homosexual or bisexual people were not ethical that's why i decided to talk here where so many unknown people could give me ideas may be one of them might help me ..

thanks