Oh wow... I'm sorry, I didn't know you had the ability to look into my soul. I'm not quite sure how I'm supposed to respond to this, or if I even should. I hope you will consider that you could be wrong, before trying to assassinate my character any further.
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Originally Posted by CopperStar
You are being self-absorbed, as well as judging her and thinking ill of her. It's coming out more and more, the more you post, so it also doesn't surprise me that as that happens, you switch your strategy from making lots of posts trying to understand, to suddenly deciding you'd best just not think about it anymore.
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1. People tend to come off as being self-absorbed when they're going through something difficult.
2. I'm trying to make sense of what happened. That's quite normal when you break up with someone, especially considering the circumstances.
3. Change my strategy? I wanted this thread to end since post #5. It's quite normal to feel a whole range of emotions when you're going through something like this.
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Originally Posted by CopperStar
This is a passive-aggressive accusation that she never cared about you, deliberately tried to hurt you and is a hypocrite. You're mad at her and seem to try to mask it with "I just want to understand". No you're pissed. Try owning that feeling instead of needing to be the "good one." It's okay to be pissed. It's better to just own it as a natural part of the grieving process, than to try to mask it with self-righteousness that gives you away, regardless.
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No, I'm saying her behaviour was hypocritical/contradictory; like many avoidants, in fact. Though yes, I have reason to believe that she had intended to hurt me at one point (I suspect that was fuelled by anger). I know what anger is, and I am not angry. Either take my word for it, or don't.
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Originally Posted by CopperStar
Probably in the exact same way you described earlier on. You're insecure and needy. If someone wants to have a relationship with you, they have to constantly reassure you. And because you come across as so sensitive, most people will be afraid to tell you the truth lest you fly off the deep end over it. After you've pressured someone into pretending like everything is fine, you turn around and disparage their character for pretending like everything was fine, and try to diagnose them with a personality disorder.
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I did become insecure and needy, that's common when you're in a relationship with an avoidant person. I hope you'll consider reading the book I mentioned in my other thread, it goes into this in some detail.
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Originally Posted by CopperStar
You've obviously never been put to the test, because your own attachment style keeps you in a state of desperation. Don't confuse desperation with higher morality. If you are desperate to hold onto people and desperately lonely, that is what will keep you from letting people go. Not some saintly dedication to having infinite energy, patience and love for other people, as you seem to want to believe about yourself. There are tons of reasons as to why Person A might need to let Person B go, even though Person A shared meaningful experiences and felt love for Person B. Just because you lack the experience in life to understand that, doesn't make it not so. You will likely gain experiences that will teach you these things once you are no longer a very desperate person.
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Actually, this was my first relationship in over 8 years. I'm not very social, and I don't have any close friends. Admittedly, throughout my life there have been times where I have felt lonely, but it's never been a big problem for me. I don't NEED a partner.
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Originally Posted by CopperStar
The self-righteous narcissist with a martyrdom complex. You definitely don't seem malignant or predatory to me, though. I wouldn't go so far as to speculate that you have a full-blown personality disorder. But you do express having the vulnerable traits. Own your ****, especially your anger, and you'll probably heal much faster.
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...OK?... at this point, I could easily make a case for diagnosing you with a bunch of things, as well as assassinate your character... but I'm not going to
If something I said upset you, I'd hope you'd just be upfront about it rather than attack me.