bellaviolet,
I can relate, sometimes when I'm around people I can't wait to go home and be alone, where I don't feel that tension. I lived a life of high anxiety, it was all I knew. Recently my pdoc perscribed an anxiety med, busbar. I've been on it for 3 weeks and I've had some rough days, but I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin and around others. Maybe a lot of our tension and difficulty is chemical. Sometimes I think, "happiness is the result of stable brain chemicals." It's not that simple, but then it feels that way sometimes. Go at your own pace. The fact that you are "showing up." Take baby steps and be gentle on yourself, you're worth it.
dorsey