I have been having issues lately mainly with my sleep and just my depression and whatever I go out but I mainly hang out with boys because I just have more male friends then female friends. Anyway, I have found that when they'd invite me to their house they wanted more from me like sex. They would start touching me and everytime I'd act submissively like I enjoyed it and didn't mind it, I have no idea why I do it I just can't help be submissive towards guys because I feel like I don't really have power or strength to stand up to them. Anyway one guy touched me and asked me if I want oral I said "no" because I didn't go to his house for sexual favours or whatever. Anyway, he made up rumors when I was at a party for another male friend telling these strangers that he did more like finger said I was a communal c#*t" I wasn't very happy with that and felt powerless especially since he touched me but I didn't like it. Anyway, in this party there was another guy named Ben and we talked briefty and he paid for my lunch and he had a girlfriend but anyway we are chatting pretty much the whole time he is saying sexual ****. I was uncomfortable didn't know what to say was annoyed with the topic of conversation felt like there was "bees" in my head. Anyway, he invites me to his house remember he has a girlfriend cooks for me does the same thing the other guy does starts touching me sexually but this got farther he touched my tits and actually put his mouth on it. Meanwhile I am smiling but I am dying inside because I felt uncomfortable and it was going to fast for me didn't know what he wanted with me. I was thinking like hang on your girlfriend is just in the other home meanwhile I am submissively kissing him because that's what he wants me to do. I go home, I am not the same meanwhile he is still trying to get into my pants messaging me on Facebook. I am still submissive didn't even think to myself of saying that I thought there was something wrong with what he did. It didn't even come to me to defend myself. Instead I get Kevin a friend of Ben's to defend me and talk to him about it. This all happened in September and ever since it's happened I've felt like a piece of meat that has no say in what she truly wants. I've felt confused I've felt lost and everyday all I can think about is how worried I am that a man well touch me. It has gotten to the point where I've felt like running away from the entire male race because I am worried that I am in a situation like this that I will be submissive again just because I am afraid that the angry will get angry at me and might hurt me. I have thought long and hard that maybe it means I am cracked human being or that maybe I am not as straight as I think. This stuff happening to me just made me feel so powerless that I have sunkin back into depression and it was bringing up memories of other negative things that have happened to me. When I was 14 my uncle tried to have sex with me and was talking sexually to me on Yahoo messenger. It was bringing up the time when his son my cousin wanted to have sex and he kept hounding me for it until I gave into him because I was blanking out and was too afraid to know what was happening to me. I just feel so powerless because even my family wanted to have sex with me and it makes me think that I am ment to be powerless because this keeps on happening to me. I know guys get sexually attracted to girls but I am tired of having to feel like I have to hide from males because I fear they will cross that line.