I see my pdoc is less than two weeks (finally!!) Im losing relationships because of my behavior and it really hurts. I feel so guilty but cant change it.

I have a few things I wish to happen at our visit. Can you tell me if my expectations are too high??

1)Help with sleep. I am *still* not sleeping well and I truly believe it is a contributing factor to my moods. Maybe a sleep aid? I have been working hard on sleep hygiene and its still not helping.

2)Possible increase of dose of my AP because I don't want this to cycle again and it really helped me for a month.

3)Help me better understand some things that have happened this time. This cycle is insane and really taking its toll both internally and in my life. I cant change what Ive done or whats happened and its killing me. I don't like losing people in my life. I feel abandoned (BPD thing, I know.) I had the gun moved where I don't know where it is. I threw out meds I had stashed away and once I can proceed without triggering me...I will throw out some self harming items I found stashed in my closet while I was cleaning today. With my recent situation I found it too tempting and cant touch it right now.

I just want to feel even keen. I have a lot to talk about with my T on Monday. Shes so sweet. We couldn't meet last week so she scheduled to call me on Wednesday night so we could check in (two days after police/ambulance came to me house after crisis chat conversation. *eye roll*) Shes great!