I agree that opiates should be avoided by the plague, and that it sounds like you've managed to find at least a little success in what most would consider 'harm reduction', but since you still recognize the problem in it, and you still have the feeling of never getting enough, and worry that you will relapse on opiates, have you considered speaking to someone about this? An addictions counsellor perhaps? A support group? There are things other than AA/NA, if you don't feel comfortable with the 12-step approach. Just a consideration. I know that my life - and my ability to manage my addiction - improved significantly when I was no longer going it alone all the time. best of luck to you, and congrats on making a break from it.