I'd have a difficult time believing that "Bob" only acts this way with one person. Sounds like he's the one with the problems...

NOTE: I wrote this next section before I read about what you wrote regarding HR. (Sorry, I skimmed. What do you expect? It's 2 am!)

Do you have a relationship with Bob's boss? How about human resources? Just to ask for suggestions on how to handle this situation (really, "Bob"). I don't think that this is an uncommon hazard of work (or working with jerks). HR, if it's any good, should be schooled in handling the different work relationships and situations that may arise.

If I have an idea, I always try to document it in writing, usually by email, and by telling peers and getting their feedback before bringing it to the "Bob". Not that you'd have to prove something; it's also good for reminders about performance.

I have a friend, who works in another department, who is dealing with a difficult co-worker. There's not much I can do (this difficult co-worker has ADHD and is very paranoid and tactless). But I try to be a sounding board for my friend. We get together during her break times. Even if all I can do is listen and reassure my friend that it's not her but this woman, who has problems. It sounds like you have co-workers to commisurate with.

Best wishes, bptoo, for a tough situation.

splash