There is a bereavement group around here but it's the same time I see my therapist. I haven't looked for another. My anxiety is really too high to go to a group by myself. I'm sure my sister in law would come with me if I asked, I just haven't done it yet.

Today was bad but not as bad. Had to see my father in law and of course he made up stories of my husband's drug dealers threatening him with guns, being threatened by the bloods gang, and that he believes my husband was never embalmed. It's so hard to go over there. I wish my husband's father operated on the same plane of existence as the rest of us and we could have real conversations, talk about memories of my husband and things like that. But he has bipolar too, possibly schozoaffective, and lives in a constant state of delusion. I mean seriously, why the **** would the undertaker not embalm my husband? And furthermore, why would you think I want to think about that ****? That's why I don't talk to him. He just wants to talk about how my husband died and all the awful things. Nothing positive. I had to see him for Christmas so he could give his grandson his presents but I'm not going to go back for the rest of the winter.

Sigh. I'll be ok. Someday.