... I have so many issues, that I don't know where to start.

I think that first I need my "labels". I've been learning a lot by reading posts on PC and elsewhere, but I don't want to fool myself into thinking that I know what my problem is.

I took a few of the tests offered here on PC, and the results were: possibility of early schizophrenia signs, OCD is likely/high risk, moderate/severe depression, moderate anxiety, moderate ADD or ADHD.

I suffer from anxiety for as long as I can remember. Not to mention I often feel depressed since my teens, though it's eased now in my 40's.

Oh, and I know I also am (always been) extremely paranoid.

Based on what I've learned so far, I also suspect I might have been a child of narcissistic parents, my father being the main perpetrator of the abuse.

I've been having a lot of extra time for myself lately, and that's been no good really, because the memories of all the abuse I suffered as a kid/teenager are now resurfacing, and I remember things I long forgotten/blocked out. I think I'm at that "righteous anger" stage, I am blaming my parents for everything and revisiting all those past events and feeling all those feelings again... that's really hurting a lot.

I also show some signs of SPD, though I'm not a cold or apathetic person.

I don't really like communicating with people mostly because I think "no one gets me" and "I don't get them" either. I have nothing in common with anyone I meet, but I guess that's just my (lack of) luck.

And that brings it to the "socializing" thing, which I simply don't get. But I partly blame that on my upbringing, and that's another very long story.

And I like to keep my life private simply because it's nobody's business.

Anyway... I think that what I need is (most of all) to make kind of a checklist and focus on what's really bothering me at the moment.

I'm a mess, I need an evaluation and I'm thinking I should start by seeing a pdoc, but I might be wrong.

...

There are loads of other issues I'd like to list, but it's nearly 7 AM here, I have a nasty cold and couldn't sleep all night... once I get some rest I'll come back and give an update to this thread. I guess I just needed to get things started somehow, and maybe get some direction/encouragement...

If not for my wife, I don't think I'd bother seeking help really... I personally think I'm too far gone and beyond fixing, but hey, I might be wrong again and that wouldn't be the first (or last) time.

Thanks for reading.