Hi Lady M --

The thing I have been learning for the past few years is that (a) I have a right to my feelings (b) feelings are not necessarily reasonable (c) I do not have a right to do crazy things as a result of my feelings (d) it's better to acknowledge feelings, live them, and go on than to suppress them.

They can and will return, lessening in intensity as they recur.

You cannot change your feelings to this man. His online persona may be imaginary, but your feelings are not. I'll bet almost everyone has fallen at least a little bit in love with a character in a movie and fantasized about a relationship with that character. Some people, as a result of this, imagine that the actor IS the same person as the character. In the extreme, they act out that fantasy in bizarre ways.

I'm sorry you have some feelings that are not pleasant. Unfortunately, this seems to be the fate of us humans. Sometimes we have pleasant feelings; sometimes, less pleasant ones. I guess we wouldn't be able to recognize pleasure if we didn't have pain at least once in a while.