I was at a funeral home the other day helping with an annual holiday event held for folks who've experienced a loss during the year, and picked up a little card that I could have benefited from much sooner -- but from which I believe I can still benefit, since closure doesn't occur on a schedule and I am indeed still mourning some most beloved souls I have known. I do wish I hadn't let people's surprise that I was "still" mourning after only a month shut down my feelings as I once did, because the complicated grief that can occur as a result of that kind of shutdown is just what it sounds like: much more complicated to recover from. As I've heard some say: to heal, you have to feel.
The bill of rights referenced on the card I picked up and which I'm finding helpful, in summary (a more detailed version is available here and is well worth checking out):
Quote:
The Mourner's Bill of Rights by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.
Though you should reach out to others as you do the work of mourning, you should not feel obligated to accept the unhelpful responses you may receive from some people. You are the one who is grieving, and as such, you have certain "rights" no one should try to take away from you.
1. You have the right to experience your own unique grief.
2. You have the right to talk about your grief.
3. You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions.
4. You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits.
5. You have the right to experience "griefbursts."
6. You have the right to make use of ritual.
7. You have the right to embrace your spirituality.
8. You have the right to search for meaning.
9. You have the right to treasure your memories.
10. You have the right to move toward your grief and heal.
Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a process, not an event. Be patient and tolerant with yourself and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those around you must forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever.
|
My condolences and very best wishes to all who have been impacted by such a loss.  von
__________________
“We use our minds not to discover facts but to hide them. One of things the screen hides most effectively is the body, our own body, by which I mean, the ins and outs of it, its interiors. Like a veil thrown over the skin to secure its modesty, the screen partially removes from the mind the inner states of the body, those that constitute the flow of life as it wanders in the journey of each day.”
— Antonio R. Damasio, “The Feeling of What Happens: Body and Emotion in the Making of Consciousness” (p.28)
|