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Originally Posted by kamikazebaby
That's very interesting. Yes, the times I've had that happen to me were times I dissociated. Very strange feeling, losing the connection with the outside world.
I see that as a betrayal, too. And she obviously thought of the other friend's feelings (it would make her uncomfortable), so what happened to thinking about yours? Ugh.
Then she reacts with anger and being snarky? That's not good. You know...we doubt ourselves and our perceptions a lot, but there are plenty of times when we're dead on about a situation being wrong or a person fvcking up. I'm so sorry that things went that way and that you were betrayed by someone you cared about and trusted.
Sometimes I seriously don't know what to do about life, and I wonder if any amount of therapy will make it seem less WTF-do-I-do-with-this. I hope your therapist is more helpful to you than some of mine have been!
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Disassociating is a new word for me. I wouldn't call it that, but maybe you would. Of course my black/white thinking is always extremes so when I think dissociating I am literally thinking of Dissociative Personality Disorder or something.
To be fair my friend didn't want to make EITHER of us uncomfortable she said, though honestly she should have thought better b/c it was a spat with my friend. My friend was an ahole that day but she also happens to be one of the kindest most generous people I know so it wasn't hard to see that given the opportunity it would blow over. She has a table of mine and I told her I'd come get it and give her the key to her gym and that's all it took for her to apologize for being a b!tch. As far as her getting snarky, it really did start after my, "Well at least I know where I stand" comment.
Well as I said this is a new bout of therapy for me. Previously it was always situational. Dealing with my mother after I had my son and was still living at home. Boyfriend problem. Marriage problem. Separation problems. Learning to cope with ADHD. It was always something specific. Even this time I just showed up because I had been depressed and showed up here. Took that test which highlighted BPD above ALL ELSE. That was the kicker that drove me back to therapy.
I always thought talking about childhood etc. was all sorts of Freud stuff. Being ADHD I just want my answers and I want them NOW! But he set the pace by actually giving me homework about my childhood and stuff. I NEVER took the time to look at how that actually may have affected me. It's kind of funny but even as a kid I sort of felt "grown up." My Dad died when I was 13 and it took hearing it from my therapist to realize that that was a tragedy that would most definitely impact my life. I never thought about that loss. I thought about how it caused my mother to go off the rails, but I never even considered the loss itself.
I've only been in therapy since early October I think it was. And I only picked this place because I did a search for DBT in my area and made sure they took my insurance. Had no idea WHO I was going to get but I think he is absolutely what I need right now so for that I'm grateful.
Funny thing is after I left our first meeting I seriously had my doubts lol. I don't know what I expected, but apparently he did not live up to those expectations. But at the very least, in recent years, I learned to not to quickly jump ship. And I'm glad, because by the 2nd session he showed me that he really does CARE. I haven't PAID anything yet lol. That's kind of making me a little anxious but when I brought it up he just said, "We'll work something out." That plus telling me I could text, just shone a light on him that I never had with another therapist and for that I'm grateful.