Judgment is not just a negative thing; being able to tell the difference between right/wrong, good/bad, what to do/what not to do, etc. is a wonderful gift. Not everyone can see that way! Being aware of tendencies in ourselves to use our good judging skills to control or tell other people what to do/how to do it or to show our "superiority" is a good thing too; we have to be aware in order to make sure we don't act in ways we don't like but I try not to judge myself harshly for just having thoughts; anymore than I would if I had sexual thoughts about a man other than my husband or fantasies of retribution when I'd been wronged, etc. Being aware is not a fault or problem to be ashamed of.

When I get to realizing I'm feeling condescending or judgmental towards others, I try to look for the larger, logical picture; people posting on a board are going to be repetitive as they're not going to ask for help for either problems they don't have :-) or talk much about "good" things as there's not much to say there; good things or things going "right" are enjoyed but not talked about much? I know from my journals and reading back 10-20 years that I still have the same "problems" I had back then (I'm still judgmental and condescending :-) but that Life is like a spiral and I'm in a different place and working on a different aspect of the problem each time it comes up. I try to imagine that other people, posting here, are doing the same spiral thing I am but that they just haven't/aren't able to/don't know to articulate it so it "shows" for me, reading their posts. They seem to talk about the same problems and seem to be in the same place but perhaps it is different for them and they aren't quite aware of it. I try to think of their courage and tenacity that they are still struggling with the "same" problem, haven't given up or gone under as a result of the struggle. Little Jack Russell Terriers :-) Then I get bizarre :-) and try to think of other ways to think about their struggle; maybe, since they're "still" struggling with the "same" thing that the struggle itself is a form of defense/protection for them and helps protect them from something "worse" they're not able to look at (yet), a kind of displacement. If I can think that way about other people's struggles, what about my own?

I'm here for me :-) and I'm very grateful for all the "variety" other people bring to PC, including the "sameness" as each different feeling I experience here (and that's the variety aspect of it; I get angry, happy, sad, judgmental, excited, enthused, embarrassed, hurt, etc. reading posts and interacting with others in this space) helps me learn and grow. I'm very grateful to you, Wants2Fly, for posting this post of yours :-) I feel I've learned a great deal responding to it.