echoes is right you can't "make" anyone do anything... you aren't responsible for his actions or feelings anymore than you were responsible for your mother's feelings and actions. Sounds like a nice theory though right?

As weird and intimate as the relationship is, you pay him. And you pay him to help you... not to help you help him. The only thing you can do is tell him specifically that you don't feel like he is listening to you, that he is talking more than he should for your needs. Why he does it is irrelevant and deals with HIS stuff... you don't need to go there, and neither should he. If he gets defensive then you have to tell him that it's his stuff, and if he can't separate the two then you need a diffferent therapist.

i'm sorry that is hard and cold as a rock. But the relationship is onesided really and it really IS all about YOU. The one time in your life that it is all about you.

writing a letter is a good way to do it if you are afraid... but please, leave out the prefacing of how you don't want to hurt his feelings... you shouldn't need to preface what you say to your T, if you do then you need to leave instead of writing a letter. Simply state your needs, and what you feel is being done that doesn't address them.

As emotional and gut-wrenching as all this therapy stuff can be for us... it still has it's business side as long as money changes hands. Your T has an obligation to address your needs, or to refer you if he cannot.

if you think about it logically (yeah...i know ) none of us would allow a cardiologist to sort of address the problem. But poor technique, even from an otherwise good T, bites into our own insecurities which sent us into therapy in the first place. Yes?

i mean, that is what i hear... your therapist is doing something that isn't helping but you are afraid to say anything. The fear stems from the issues with your mother and your fear of speaking back... which sent you to therapy. Around and around.

So... you took the step to try to help yourself by going into therapy... take another by taking the risk of saying what it is you need. You were brave once, what harm could twice do? i mean as it is you'll eventually need a T to cope with your T...??

i know. Long on advice, short on doing it myself. Easy to say and all that.

i hope you find a way to find your voice even for a brief moment. If he is good as you say, and sensitive, etc.. then he should immediately recognize your sincerity and pain.