Quote:
Originally Posted by ilikecats
I drove past my T's house tonight. I'm pretty sure it was her house anyways. A few months ago I googled my T, and one of the things I found was what looked to be her address. I didn't do anything then, but I did think about driving past it. I kept thinking about it once in a while, and tonight I decided to drive past it. She's on vacation this week, so I knew I wouldn't accidentally run into her. Anyways, I feel a bit guilty about this, and I feel like I should tell her about it when she gets back. But I'm worried that if I do, she'll get creeped out or be angry at me. Maybe even stop seeing me? Or set more boundaries? I don't want that to happen, and if I don't tell her, it won't. But I just feel like I should tell her. I'm probably going to drive past it again a time or two before she gets back. It was nighttime when I went past tonight, and I'd like to see it in the day. I would never knock on her door or intrude on her while she's there, but I just like to see her house and see where she lives. Is this how stalkers start? I don't have any intention to stalk her, and I don't want to scare her or make her uncomfortable. That would be another issue with telling her. I don't want to make her uncomfortable, but if I tell her she might feel that way. But I just feel kinda guilty. But at the same time, it's not like I'm doing any harm, I'm just looking at a house. Gah! What should I do?
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I know how you feel because, a few years ago, I did the exact same thing. I had the directions to her house but didn't drive past right away. When I did, I immediately felt extremely guilty. I told her what I did and she didn't like it but she didn't kick me out or anything. She said something like "what if I had been out walking my dog?" I think I said "so what?" She wasn't angry but was frustrated because I didn't understand what was so wrong about doing it and that I crossed her boundaries. Like you, I just wanted to see her house. I didn't want to stalk her.
I'm ashamed of this next part of my story. My T moved and I couldn't stop myself from going by that house too. This time I wasn't going to tell her but I'm terrible at hiding things from her. She guessed that something was wrong. She said I'm not understanding that she has feelings about what I did. I felt like I was compelled to see where I lived because she wasn't going to tell me. She said what bothered her was that I was sneaky. She said I could have asked and maybe she'd show me a picture. I never thought of asking her first!
I was glad that I told her because we discussed why I felt I had to drive past her house. I won't do if again, even if she moves.
I think it's better to be honest than to keep it inside of you but if depends on what kind of relationship you have with your T, and how much it bothers you. A good T will want to discuss your behavior rather than kick you out.