The last couple weeks have been a bit of a decline in my mood....my lithium was upped as my pdoc seen my levels as low.
Im doing my best not to let myself spiral any further.
Last night I attended a wedding for friends of both my husband and I.My hubby was on call,so I made arrangements to attend with another friend until my husband arrived.For over 4 hrs I was asked by this same friend "whats wrong"......by 8 I had had enough.
I had quickly run home with her(friend) to let my dog out for a bit and while waiting....."are you sure theres nothing wrong.....Im your friend you can tell me."
When I asked her why she kept asking she said "your preoccuppied,distant,and not the friend I know."
Finally I blurted out the BP dx.......and begged her not to tell anyone.She says she wont.......but trust is not something that comes easily.
I told my pdoc and t that.....I am not the girl I once was...happy,mischievous......always ready to party.
Not drinking has been a huge challenge.....but two weeks now I havent touched alcohol.....not drinking throws red flags up for all my friends....always questioning WHY.
Maybe Im ashamed of bp,maybe its trust and the lack of it.
All I do know is that Im withdrawing more and more from the people I used to spend so much time with....and its not helping my depression...I feel sad about the whole thing.Its been difficult for my husband too.....I dont want to go out....its hard on him cause he doesnt like to go anywhere without me.....I just wish I could feel a little more hopeful.