If I don't write things down when I am overwhelmed and in deep depression I can't remember any of the details when I surface for a period of somewhat normalcy. If I write things down I can explain to my counselor what my thoughts and emotions were during that period. I know how awful those feelings can be. Especially when you are older and have had them your whole life. Sometimes death does seem like a peaceful alternative to the pain. I don't think I can ever do that to my family though. My daughter suffers from the same mental illness that I do and if I give up I think she could too. Plus I don't want to give my ex-husband the satisfaction! I know that is weird but I swear it matters.