"Do you get some kind of joy by making me miserable?", was the last thing my mother said to me. I momentarilary paused, halfway out her door, in shock from her stabbing words. My mind raced with wondering where her thought even came from. I remembered the mantra my sister told to write 100 times "You can't argue with a delusional person". I simply turned and left.

Crying the whole drive back home, unable to continue my day's errands because I was too upset to be in public, I wondered if her accusation was right.

First of all... How did I make her miserable? I went to her house to bring her a belated Christmas present. I apologized to her for not being with her on Christmas and explained that I am in such an unhappy place because of my awful marriage that I just didn't have it in me to be giving toward anyone else-- I ran away and sat on my sister's couch for two days.

Never mind that I rescued my parents financially by agreeing to give them enough money so that they could stay in their home and maintain their live style.

But she had to start throwing stuff in my face, taking jabs at me that it was her worst day ever and if it hadn't been for the well-wishers on Facebook... The final straw was she insisted on reading me the lovely message from this man. The story is so crazy I can't even go into it and why it was especially painful for me to hear. When she first told me he wrote her, I said very nicely "That's really nice." But she insisted on reading me the message she had printed out. I told her "I'm sorry, I just can't do this. I have to go." She said, "Don't you dare leave!" I said, "Don't you realize I just sat here telling you how I have done nothing but cry, I am so depressed, and was so mistreated by my husband?"

But it had to be about her. You can't get compassion from a Narcissist. I would think a loving mother would say "I understand dear". But instead she gave me a good stab. I literally felt a cold, metal blade in my heart.

I just can't do these relationships. It's just too impossible. I am not even myself anymore. I will just cook and clean and keep my mouth shut. No phone calls to anyone. No doing anything. My kids can do what they want and have a good time. My husband can sit in another room if he chooses to stay. I'm done. What's the point of living now? Please G-d just finish me off.

My heart goes out to the people who deserve to live. I feel guilty for breathing. It's ok with me to give my life away to someone more deserving. Maybe I'll be reincarnated and learn in the next life to save myself. I give up.

Eh, these are just 'letters I've written never meaning to send'. Now I'll delete this. Go beat myself in the head. This is a woman who needs medical help. No help for me. What good is money? Nobody cares.

So social, that if I can't get along with people, I don't want to live. Why are humans such social animals? Why do I have such a hard time ONLY with husband and mother? Why is this STILL going on?

Good people of PC, I'm not really asking for advice or criticism, just venting because I am obsessed with my problems. These mean actions and jabs I get from husband and mom repeat never-ending in my mind. Relationship OCD?

I don't end it, I play into it. Once I thought he was going to get his gun and shoot me and I stood there ready to let him do it. He didn't get the gun. Instead he came out dressed in an Underdog costume that he made because I had told him I had a crush on the cartoon character when I was little.