I'm feeling like I can't be much help to anyone here. Shy, if you read this, I care. That's about all I can say.
I've said everything else I can think of.

I'm going to try to go off my antidepressants now. I'm in a better place emotionally. I know though that it doesn't mean I'll be okay when I stop. But I don't want to be this numb. All emotions are dulled. Even my body feels numb. It's an older tricyclic so it really isn't good for my heart of diabetes anyways. Sometimes my heart takes an extra hard beat and I feel my bed shake. Time to try to be healthier before it's too late. Take care all.