|
For several weeks I've had the same dream. I'm still 'in control', I can make decisions to change what happens as I did once, but I haven't wanted to since.
I'm driving down a long stretch of road in my car, one I frequent because it takes me from my house into town. There are three bridges over a lake on this road and on the second one, I swerve the car across the road and bring it back around to drive it off the bridge- even though it has the concrete and metal rails.
The first time it startled me. I have a two year old and I looked back in panic to see if she was in the car seat as the car plummeted towards the water- she wasn't there and I woke up as soon as I realized it with relief. Even so, the next time I drove across that bridge, I tensed, determined not to do it even though I knew she wasn't in the car.
The next time the dream happened I just relaxed. I already knew she wouldn't be there and I just let it happen over and over again. I remember the car flying towards the water, hitting it and sinking slowly to the bottom and even though I was trapped in the car, most likely about to drown- I felt a freedom and peace that I haven't felt in years. Now when I go over that bridge, I relax and almost wait for my car to take over for me and drive off the bridge knowing I wouldn't do it on my own, but just wishing it would happen.
|