I have been dealing with depression for a very long time, more than two decades. So mania is completely new to me. The thing that terrifies me is that i really have no idea it is going on. I have never had a temper. In fact, I have been accused of being a doormat most of my life.
Now, I begin to rage when mania comes on. I know i would never physically harm someone else. But i get very loud. From bystanders accounts apparently I get out of control angry. Inside though I feel mostly frustrated that i am not being listened to. I don't perceive it like the rest of the world does.
I just... I want to take the right meds and go back to normal. I was fine being an in control doormat. But I am never going to go back to normal, right?

Does anyone have any help or ideas? please.