Hi,

I feel I need to share my feelings regarding taking care of myself..

I've been out of work since the beginning of last year due to Irritable Bowel Syndrome and social phobia. I've been given plenty of help and advice but the problem is, I'm not doing what I'm supposed to do.

For instance, I don't want to start the diet that's supposed to help with IBS symptoms. I also don't want to subject myself to social situations even though I've been told it's the only way to get past the phobia.

The thing is, I simply don't care! I believe this goes back to my childhood. There was a time when I was completely alone. I faced the threat of violence from one parent while the other one nor anyone else did anything to help me. Now I feel that since no one cared about me, why should I!

It's not enough that people keep telling me I should do something - I should LIVE, be merry and happy! I'm like, why.. When no one else cared.. Why should I. How can I when I don't even know I'm worth it - because no one ever showed me I was!

At the same time, I know I need to get past this! Because I WANT to live - I'm hoping sharing these feelings will help me move on..