Whether white people can ever possibly begin to understand racism is a bit of a red herring. Few white truly care to even try and therein lies the problem. "I understand that racism feels real to you" screams "I'm not truly interested in learning about racism or understanding your experiences." (Assuming of course that she actually really meant to say that racism feels real but in fact isn't as real as all that and that this wasn't just a poorly phrased statement of empathy.)

WTR, you're right that one's early experiences can shape how resilient one becomes in the face of racism and other adversity. And sure building resilience is a very legitimate goal of therapy. But OMG basically gas lighting a patient by suggesting that racism is "real to them"??? That has NO PLACE in therapy or really anywhere else. It is unspeakably arrogant, ignorant and just plain mean.