Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianMan20
lease if you can REPLY, and ANSWER MY QUESTIONS AT THE END and what you think I should do.on’t I can’t. I just want us to stay friends.”
Remember that less than a day before she was saying she loved me and that she wanted to kiss me. But now she just can’t? I like her a lot and she has helped me so much through my thoughts and depression. And after this I overreacted and even though I didn’t say anything I fell apart on the inside and I fell back into my depression harder than I ever have. And I started to do self-harm again that night. The next day he found out about it, one of my friends that is also her friend told her. And she said that she didn’t hate me and that I was her best friend. She also kept saying how she wasn’t made at me and that she was sorry for last night and that she felt terrible. She said she was sorry but she had to say what was on her mind and that that I was poison to her heart. She said the she was so afraid of leading me on and such and that she really did like me and that she still kind of does but that being together wouldn’t be good for either of us. I kept telling her that none of it is her fault and that I have problems I have to fix and those are not her fault. And it just got better from there because that friend of mine told her I was suicidal which I am not and she started freaking out about that. And I kept telling her that I am not and that he doesn’t know what he is talking about. He later apologized he just said he thought I was.
And now she said "I just need some time, okay? I think we need space from each other for a while I know that you want to be with me, I get that you love me, I understand that you've never really had a friend like me before. But right now we are only hurting each other and I don't want that to become our friendship."
That friend I was talking about was talking to her and he told me she said, “if he gets too attached to me, and we break up, where would that leave him? what would that leave him with? nothing. he would be broken” and yes I would be broken but I would rather be broken and know that I actually was able to be in a relationship with her then to have it end now and never know if I had a chance. Or did I miss my chance?
I really like her and I want us to be together. But if that can’t happen I want at least be friends. But now she wants to take a break and not even really be friends right now. I don’t want to lose her not only because she helps me though my anxiety and depression but because she means so much to me as a friend and as a person. I really like her and I really want her to love me or at least be good friends. It would be absolutely horrible though if she loved me but she wasn’t happy because she makes me happy and if she is not happy in this relationship I won’t be either. Now I just have to wait it out and see what happens.
I don't even know if I ever want to date anyone for fear that I will hurt them. As I said I am horrible at socializing andI rarely talk to anyone, so I especially don't want to lose her because she is one of my only friends.
What I want to know is, is it over? Is having a relationship ruined? Could we still be great friends if we don’t have a relationship? And what should I do in this position? This is stressing me out and that doesn’t help my anxiety.
|
Just my opinions here. You were really clear in the beginning of your post that you wanted your questions answered, so this is meant to be supportive:
It's probably over man. Having a relationship with someone else is not ruined though. You probably won't be "great" friends if you don't have a relationship, maybe you and she will be occasionally friendly. In this position you should leave her alone.
Why do I have these opinions based on what you've typed out? Cuz given your lack of social experience, depression, and anxiety, you took a huge risk in trusting her with your feelings. You probably haven't had any experiences like this before, so you fell hard for her. I can definitely relate to how it feels to be rejected by someone you trust. But here's the thing... The reason I said "it's probably over" is because she can't undo rejecting you.
So if she were to "change her mind", and you agreed, wouldn't there be the anxiety that it (her quick rejection) might happen again? Maybe, maybe not. For me, that anxiety was always there. And the fact that I was anxious also changed the dynamic. I needed lots of reassurance from her. And she grew tired of my worries. I drained her energy, and she drained my energy.. And I ended up more hurt than before.
By the way I would like to point out that even if you were depressed and anxious, and she helped you, maybe you can see that you allowed your depression and anxiety to be helped. That was only a choice that you could make. Those positive feelings you felt came from within you. So there must be something about socializing that is helpful and positive. And you certainly don't have to restrict socializing to just her. Maybe you can think of this as a learning experience.