Tomi,

I know that sometimes we get involved in something that is just too much for us to handle....it isn't something we know going into the relationship. There is no way for us to know about the other person until they have gotten far enough into our lives to know. Then when we know, we end up feeling sorry for them & listen to the things they say, & that builds up our sympathy even more.

Unfortunately, those people are the ones no one else wants to deal with either & then we feel even worse. The problem is that they are the ones with the problem that is beyond normal people's ability to help & that is what we have to look at & understand. The other people that don't want to deal with it have probably gone through the same situations as you have & have dropped the relationship because they know they can't do anything either.

When a person needs help that is beyond our abilities, we can only point them in the direction & hope & pray that some time in their lives they will listen to someone & get the help they need. We can't force them to change nor can we hold their hands all the way. There comes a time when we have to let go & let them walk or fall down just like we did with our children when they were learning to walk.

I is tough & hard to be willing to think that we aren't the ones that can make the difference, but that difference may be farther down the road they have to go before getting the help they really need.

You can't hate yourself for giving it your all.....there isn't anything you have done to hate yourself for....so be good to yourself & send him off with a wave of your hand & know that if he comes back, you need to send him off again for your own good. Don't keep letting him come back like a bad penny. You need to draw your line for your own protection....whether you are nuturing or not.....we all have to know our limits & know when to stop.

Take care,
Debbie